First telemarketers: Look, Mr Hispanic man who keeps calling me about trivial fucking nonsense, stop calling here. I do not care what you are calling about. I am happy with my fucking telephone service. I can walk just fine. I do not want to talk to you about my fucking diabetes. I can not donate to your stupid fucking charity. And another thing,I do not have a fucking credit card. STOP CALLING! You people call and call and never leave a god forsaken message. You people are the most annoying thing on the earth! You sit there and let the phone ring and ring, wait for the answering machine, then hang up. If you are going to wait that fucking long, and annoy the ever living shit out of me, why not leave a fucking message if it is so fucking important. Oh, that is it. It is not fucking important, is it? How about you tell me your home phone number and when you are sleeping or having dinner, so I can ring you and hang up only when it gets to the answering machine. And, if you do answer, I will talk in an accent that you can barely understand. You fucking nancy boy.
Second, my sister: Get a life, some friends, and stop calling me so fucking much. I don’t give a shit about your day to day life. I don’t need to know about the weather where you live. And frankly, I’m sick of this little act you’re putting on for our mother and her shit-hole husband. You’re just as much a Christian as you were a Agnostic or a Pagan. You’re weak willed and will change everything about yourself to suit the strongest person around you, including your so called “faith.” You’re a dumb whore and you abandoned me when you promised you’d be there for me and I hate you for it. But I love you because I know deep down you’re a great person. And, another thing, stop telling me how to have relations with my bf. I don’t care if you have problems with BDSM. It. Is. None. Of. Your. Fucking. Business!
Third, my upstairs neighbour: Stop letting your children cry for so long. You’re a fat lazy bitch and your house smells like a dump because you’re too lazy to take out the fucking trash. And, you had no business having children in the first place because you and your husband are both retarded. You still live with mommy and watch the fucking Disney Channel. Your daughters 3 and still can’t talk. You fucking retard there is either something wrong with her at this point or your a horrid piece of shit parent. I happen to know it’s the latter and that’s why you won’t address it.
Fourth, my mother: You’re a crazy bitch and as soon as my sister isn’t living with you I’m never going to talk to you again. You may have given birth to me, but that doesn’t excuse all the bullshit you put me and my sisters through. You’re a fucking attention whore and need to calm the fuck down. You are fucking Bi-Polar and Jebus isn’t going to change that. Stop using your crazy as an excuse to sit at home all day and be a bitch to everyone you come into contact with. And you wonder why I don’t talk to you. Well, since you bring up the fact that you feel like I hate you every single time we do talk…and half of the negative shit you bring up isn’t even there. You’re just being a crazy paranoid bitch. My grandmother didn’t take me away from you. She’s just nice and there for me, and you’re a bitch who has gone so far as to forget my fucking birthday.